A riddle : It is one of the most essentials that money can’t buy!! It’s very complex and takes time to build! It can make or break a person. It’s a mixed bag of love, hate, happiness, sadness, holding on, letting go. It’s based on mutual respect, commitment, conviction, perseverance, compassion and many more….What are we talking about?
Answer : Our Relationships!!!With family, friends, co-workers, diverse social groups etc.
At the most fundamental level, we are social creatures designed for human connection. And Relationships make us feel connected—plain and simple. When we experience successful relationships and a sense of connectedness and belonging, we do better.
“Relationship skills” is the fourth pillar of Social Emotional Learning (SEL).
Relationship skills are the ability to establish and maintain healthy and supportive relationships and to effectively navigate settings with diverse individuals and groups.
In older times, the joint family systems were sufficient enough for children to learn and practice relationship skills. As times changed and the nuclear family concept kicked in, over-protective and possessive parenting emerged along with a less human and more technology driven childhood . All of these leading to a secluded lifestyle and ultimately difficulty in finding and building meaningful relationships in personal and professional spaces.
Listed below are things about “relationships” which children learn with their age and experiences. However at home, we need to help them understand the need for relationships and what it takes to build meaningful ones.
When cannot turn back time , but we can definitely tell them the stories of our past , our family traditions, our personal and professional relationship journeys . Talk to them about the ups n downs, and what did we do to be resilient. Also about what didn’t work out with few people. And most importantly why we never gave up on our relationships.
Children learn a lot from their relationship with their parents as well as from how the mother-father relationship is . To name the few, Respecting individuality and resolving differences, communication, listening, forgiveness , expression of love and care are the skills which are initiated and developed at home.
Help them discover and verbalize their own needs from the relationships. They need to understand it takes two to build the relationship. That their choices and decision will affect their relationships.
Example 1:
Child: “Mom! No one is playing what I want to play! No one is being friends with me…”
Your mindful response: “Why don’t you play what others are playing to have fun…You might make friends when you play with them and then they will play what you want…”
Example 2:
Child: “My friends teased me today. I felt very bad and didn’t talk to them”
Your mindful response: “Why didn’t you tell your friends how you felt??..Friends do not hurt you intentionally. It is important to say what you feel in your relationships”
Example 3:
Child: “(Angry! Upset) Had fight with my friend….We have stopped talking with each other”
Your mindful response: “Fights do happen in friendship but how you resolve your differences and respect each other point of view matters the most. No two individuals are same…Why don’t you openly talk about it? Tell your friend how much you value their friendship”
– Written by Ms. Chaitali Shroff and Ms. Capt. Lekshmy Natarajan (Retd), Co-founders of HEAL Foundation
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