“I had fight/arguments with my friend. I am not going to talk to him/her from now on…”
“No one plays with me…”
“One boy in a class makes weird sounds and everybody keeps laughing at him…”
“Mam! please tell me how to make friends?”
“I do not know how to start a conversation?…”
These are big problems in our little ones lives. As parents we generally we listen up and just let it be , but mostly wondering – “what am I to do about it now“?? These questions are some starting troubles in our children’s long life, which left unaddressed may lead to peculiar challenges in personal and professional life later on. What do these statements from children indicate? Their inability to resolve fights, difficulty in making friends, lack of understanding and empathizing with others’ etc
Summing it up : It is a lack of Social Awareness(SoA), the third pillar of Social Emotional Learning (SEL).
Social awareness is “the ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds and cultures. It is being aware of how our actions will impact others, being able to read other people’s emotions through verbal and non-verbal cues, and seeing a situation as if you were standing in someone else’s shoes.
In the times of multiverse, children find the virtual world more comforting because it is devoid of the human conflicts which they experience in reality. It is easy to “friend”, “unfriend” ,”like”, “follow” or “unfollow” without even seeing or knowing a person. Team HEAL has observed this in all age groups that children find it difficult to be part of larger groups, work in teams, have a group discussion to problem solve or friendships. Sadly this the adverse effect of technology on children’s ability to socialize. While witnessing our children having friendship problems isn’t easy, it is a normal and healthy way for the child to learn life-long emotional coping, conflict resolution, and communication skills. But they need some intangible support from us too.
Let’s understand Social Awareness development in action inside homes.
Scenario 1:
Child(sad & upset): “No one plays with me!…”
Parent( Mindfully): “Have you asked them why they don’t play with you…”??? (Letting them explore and understand others’ point of view…)
Based on their answers you can continue the discussion on how to find a win-win solution. Letting them know “It’s not always about you”.
Scenario 2:
Child: “I had fight/arguments with my friend. I am not going to talk to him/her from now on…”
Parent: (After listening their part of the story, you try to understand the other side of the story)“What do you think your friend will tell his/her mom about the fight? Fights have two sides…
Parents don’t have to fix this. Children might experience various emotions in such situations. Help them navigate. You need to observe if your child is building any defense mechanisms just to avoid/face conflict. It is important that they learn to face and resolve conflicts from now on because conflicts get bigger as they grow.
Scenario 3:
Child: “A child in my class keeps making weird noises…Everyone laughs at him all the time …”
Parent: “How will you feel if someone laughs at you? Do you know if he has any problem because of which he makes sounds?”
Children experience new things every day at school. They may not know how to respond adequately to it. Let’s help them give meaning to their experiences. Teach them about empathy, inclusivity and basic humanity
Social awareness skills will help us our children nurture respect and kindness towards others as well as making it easier to share , communicate, and collaborate with peer. It is a fundamental part of creating friendships and relationships – helping us to lead happy and fulfilled lives.
Written by Ms. Chaitali Shroff and Ms. Capt. Lekshmy Natarajan (Retd), co-founders of HEAL Foundation
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