It all begins…Here.
In our previous blog (https://www.healfoundation.co.in/post/before-it-is-too-late), we discussed about the urgent need to integrate social emotional learning (SEL) at homes and at schools( before it’s too late). Many parents asked us, “What do we do? Where do we start?”
Unfortunately, there aren’t any quick pills that can be given to children(or adults) to develop SEL in them. The thumb rule in parenting remains – our kids’ behaviors begins with us! We cannot expect or direct our children to behave in a certain way while we do not model that behavior. And as the wise have said, they learn from our actions more than our words!!
To integrate SEL at home, let’s first focus on our SELF – AWARENESS (SA), one of the main components of any SEL framework. “Self-awareness is about knowing yourself…Understanding why you do what you do..”
We invest so much time and energy in teaching and learning subjects, languages, sports, arts etc. But how much time do we spend to develop self-awareness???? When and how will our children will develop this skill? As parents, it is on us to consciously work on developing this skill first in ourselves and simultaneously in our children too.
Let’s look at few examples to understand how we can integrate SEL and focus on developing SA(self-awareness) in our daily lives with our children.
Scenario 1:
We mostly decide and tell them what to wear on certain occasions.(Our regular thoughts : This is so not suitable for the occasion. What will people say?)
To Model SA in yourself: We explain, “In our times these are the kind of dresses we used to wear and my selection is based on that but I understand things have changed so you can choose what you wish to wear.”
To Develop SA in the child: We let our children choose their own clothes. We discuss on what feels comfortable or uncomfortable for them. If we feel something is Not OK, we say “I feel it is not best suited because……(give your genuine reasons)”, but if you insist I will go with your choice.”
It is important for them to start taking small decisions to understand what works for them and what doesn’t. It is about being aware, understanding and developing their own likes and dislikes. As they grow we need to remember “it is not about us, it is about them”.
Scenario 2:
Our teenagers keeps forgetting the tasks we give them and we get angry and worked up.We start naming and blaming them(Our regular anxious thoughts : When will they learn….How will they manage when alone…)
To Model SA in yourself : We observe that they are frequently forgetful, we see our anger rising but we take a PAUSE. We confess and communicate our anger calmly, “I am getting bothered and angry right now because you have not done this inspite of telling you so many times . Can you please do it right away?”
To Develop SA in the child: We enquire, “Why do you think you keep forgetting things? Can you figure out a way which can help you to remember better?”
We need to be aware that a teen mind is busy in processing their ever -changing emotions and thoughts. The tasks important to us may not be urgent or important to them: and hence they miss it. Let’s communicate our needs clearly and calmly which can help them prioritize the things we want done.
Slowly , mindfully …..let’s start working on demonstrating our SA and developing their SA as a first step.
Understanding our own worries, fears, concerns and communicating them calmly to our children is modelling our own self-awareness. Children will understand “why we are saying what we are saying”. Discuss and help them explore their own reasons for “why they are doing what they are doing”. Developing a deeper understanding about each other can solve any problem, bring more calm and peace in our relationship and build stronger emotional connect.
After all, we want them to be happy and they want us to be happy too.:)
So why wait…let’s take a step forward to integrate SA in our daily life..
Article written by Ms. Chaitali Shroff, Co-founder - HEAL Foundation, SEL Educator and Parent Coach
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