I have been thinking about writing this blog for a long time but did not know where to start. Then I decided to go with the flow of my thoughts. The theme is very close to my heart and the mission of HEAL foundation. I hope that by the end of the blog, you will pause and reflect on the topic with your full attention and awareness.
Emotional Intelligence! Emotional Wellbeing! Emotional Hygiene! Emotional Quotient! They may have different meaning in psychological terms but we used them interchangeably in casual conversion.. Take your pick! I am going to pick Emotional Hygiene.
There is so much discussion going on about Emotional Hygiene nowadays. All of us feel that it is very important and has become part of our lifestyle through WhatsApp good morning messages, Facebook forwards, Instagram posts, exercises, meditations, coaching, counselling etc.
With so many options available for emotional wellness, why are we still struggling?
The answer is simple; The solution lies with us!!
Being aware of our emotions and thoughts behind every action is the first step towards Emotional Hygiene. Training yourself to be self-aware is tough and requires a focused, disciplined game plan. An ideal place to start is by being brutally honest with yourself..
Let me give you an example,
A family is going for a party and follows a specific dress code. For the parents, the dress code is one of the non-negotiable things.
Child: Mom! I do not feel like changing. I am going to come to the party in this dress.
Mom! (Bit annoyed) That will not work! Go change! You cannot come to the party wearing this dress.
There are very strong values & beliefs deep inside us which drive our actions and behaviours. There is a lot happening in mom’s mind at this point in time. I am not going to check how deep the water is! But definitely, it is DEEP.
As we know, children learn things from their parents (more from watching them than listening), their own experiences and surroundings. The child in this situation has experienced denial when their own preference or choice was expressed. Fear of denial has crept in! It may stay or go based on how much effort parents take to help children resolve this within themselves!
We all know that it is difficult to overcome fears as we grow. If not settled, every time the child is going to unconsciously validate this fear before taking any action. The child may feel hesitant to express themselves, may find alternate and unconventional outlets.
Here is where emotional hygiene comes into the picture. We as parents need to practice self-awareness about our emotions, thoughts and actions day in and day out. We need to make our children aware of their inner self. We need to help them make the connection between their emotions, thoughts and actions.
Let us do it differently,
Child: Mom! I do not feel like changing. I am going to come to the party in this dress.
Parent: How are you feeling right now? Which dress will make you comfortable?
It is very important to recognize our emotions, thoughts and express them so that they are resolved in our mind and heart. Practising Emotional Hygiene is to bring clarity and connection in our emotions, thoughts and actions. We need to give this skill to our children so that they know themselves inside out. It is probably the most potent skill that you can partake as a parent.
Time to reflect
How much time do we spend with our children to help them understand themselves and their emotions?
Share your experiences /thoughts in the comments section!
Post written by Chaitali Shroff,Co-founder, Holistic Education and Adaptive Learning(HEAL) Foundation
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