Parent: ”I have been reminding you to complete your HW since morning. Why isn't it done yet???
Child: “Ahh...it is so boring...so many looong Qs&As. My hands are paining…I don't want to do it”
A regular scenario in many homes where our day to day interaction with our children revolves mostly around their homework or studies. Many a time these interactions end up in unpleasantness for both parties. How do parents deal with this?
Lets focus on ourselves first. As parents we need to accept the following facts;
Every child is uniquely gifted
Your child maybe like you ; BUT NOT YOU
Their growing up times are not like ours
Their Education is about them and not about us
The reason I empathize on these points beforehand is, we are generally not mindful about these facts while interacting with our children. Our past experiences, beliefs and unfulfilled dreams take over our ability to think about our children and their needs in the present moment. So, what are the best possible ways to deal with these routine challenges with their studies?
Solutions vary as per child’s age and their capabilities.
Sharing a few guidelines for you to refer and see what works for you and your child.
4 to 8 years:
In the kindergarten years, do not force your children to write or artwork . Focus on their natural capabilities, fine motor skills, sensory and play based learning .
Homework time need not look like a punishment time and it needn’t be perfect or complete. If your kid seems to be afraid or lazy about HW , have a conversation with them in a tone that excludes threat and consequences.
Don’t ever try and do the HW or project for your child. Be open to explain the same to the teacher as well.
We need to model and repeatedly explain that HW is only about their learning in daily routine, right from kindergarten.
8 to 12 years:
Help them to set and follow a daily routine for their HW .It shouldn't have anything to do with the parents convenience or timings.
Do not compare and worry and discuss with other parents about your child's HW, pending classwork etc. Let your child finish work as they remember. Support them ,without anger or frustration, towards becoming responsible.
Talk to them about how HW is about learning everyday, stepwise. It is about recollecting what Mam taught in the class. Ask them how HW or studies help them to become better? Discuss those possible learnings with them. Make it less about finishing the task and more about learning and communicating.
It is OK for children to dislike HW and studies. Understand your child’s reasons behind dislikes. Talk about how you do things in your office or home even if you dislike it, so that everything functions smoothly.
Children will learn to do HW and studies in their own ways at their own pace once they have understood and accepted the reasons behind it. It is a slow, gradual process and no quick fixes or comparison will work here. Keep the communication channel free and open with your child ,so that they come back to you and express their exact feelings without the fear of consequences or of being judged. Don’t break your long term emotional bond and fun time with your child on the daily struggle of HW and studies. There is so much more to their childhood and the joy of watching them grow.
Post written by Chaitali Shroff,Co-founder, Holistic Education and Adaptive Learning(HEAL) Foundation
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